Entitled aunt thinks herself above 15-year-old niece's "no red" birthday party dress code, shocked when she gets banned from attending: 'She told all family and friends and made it very clear — NO RED'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 4, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Let's be honest, it's ok to have your "main character moments" and dress yourself so that you feel good giving you a boost to your self-esteem. But when it's not your event you need to curb that enthusiasm a little bit and let the person who is actually being celebrated at the event have their time to shine.

Still, this happens all the time at events and celebrations, where friends or family members—or sometimes people who don't actually even know the guest of honor at all—try to outshine the guest of honor and steal the spotlight.

This aunt thought that she was above the party's single dress code rule of "no red" and ordered herself a burgundy dress to wear to the party. I guess there's some room for argument here since she didn't go for the reddest of all reds that she possibly could have. But, still, as it turns out Burgundy is red, a blend of red and purple to be sure, but a shade of red nonetheless. She was shocked when her 15-year-old niece asked her flat-out not to attend the party unless she selected some non-red attire. 

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  • 01

    "AITA for siding with my daughter (15f) when she enforced the no RED dress code w/ my aunt for her sweet 16"

    AITA or more like are we TA We have been working on my daughter's (15f) Sweet 16 party planning for almost a year. My daughter picked the theme of Nightmare Before Christmas (NBC). This is a formal/semi- formal event. She has been lax on letting her Aunts, Grandma, and cousins pick out almost everything except the colors and clothing assignment for Sweet 16 court. She chose basic colors of black, white, and purples for her main colors. The guests pick a NBC character and use it as inspiration fo
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  • 02
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Her ONLY parameters for her Sweet 16 was that she and her boyfriend be the ONLY ones to wear red because she wanted to be Jack when he turned into Santa Claus. She told all family and friends and made it VERY clear- NO RED.
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  • 04
    Now here is the part where I need to know AITA. The party is 6 days away, I ran into my Aunt, and she was very excited to show me a pic of her outfit. The shoes were beautiful but they worried me a little bc they had some red on them. I brushed it off bc who looks at shoes anyway. Then she showed me a beautiful bright RED dress. I was shocked and it showed bc her smile fell and she looked at my mom and said "it isn't red it's burgundy. You told me I could wear it bc it isn't red."
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  • 05
    My mom agreed it was much darker in person. I was trying to fix my face and not panic. I told myself it would be ok and them that I would talk to my daughter about it. Skip to a few hours later when I did talk to my daughter and was able to show her the dress picture. My daughter asked if my aunt could please wear a different color dress but my aunt said no bc she ordered that dress for her party. My daughter told her it was the only rule she had and if she wasn't willing to follow
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  • 06
    it she would miss having her there but if she was willing to change colors we would love to have her. I backed my daughter up but my mom and sisters are upset with me bc "my aunt doesn't have a lot of money and can't buy another dress... or she won't come if she can't wear that dress." My daughter very clearly stated to them that she told my aunt and everyone else not to wear red and burgundy is a shade of red, she should have taken that into consideration when she ordered her dress. She
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  • 07
    is sorry but she is not changing her mind not about this ONE thing. She gave into all the other things they wanted. 1. AITA for siding with my Daughter when she stuck to the no Red dress code for guests. Also for not giving in when they tried to guilt us about it.
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  • 08
    UPDATE: 1. There are a lot of people saying it is just a birthday party however it is not to my daughter. My mother started the tradition of giving her granddaughters a sweet 16 extravagant party when her first one was born 23 years ago. She has given upwards of 5-7 so far and it is finally my daughter's turn. It is a right of passage at this point in our family. My daughter will have the court, the shoes, the dances, the tiara.
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  • 09
    Normally they get to plan. every single thing with my mom, the aunts, and other female cousins. So no this is not "just a birthday party". It is a once in a life time memorable moment in her life that she will never be able to replace.
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  • 10
    2. My mother, 2 sisters, and 2 nieces are helping us plan the party. When trying to make decisions my daughter just gave In to all their choices instead of making a fuss over things. She is not big and over the top but this type of party traditionally is. They wanted her to wear two dresses one a big poofy. ball gown and the other a slimmer one. She only wanted a slim one but she ended up giving in to make my mom and sister happy.
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  • 11
    She did not want any alc at the party period but my sister begged and begged until she gave in and said not until after 10 and then they negotiated 9. This incurred an extra cost for security. We don't drink ol often and don't have alc ol around our kids normally but she felt if she didn't give in parts of my family wouldn't come. She also gave in to the explicit songs being played but she made that at certain time frame also. She gave in to it being
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  • 12
    formal/semiformal. She let them have free reign over cake flavors, food, decorations, everything except colors. The ONE thing she got to keep was colors. 3.One thing you need to know about my daughter is she is normally very level headed, laid back, and chilled. She is very mature and logical. She is very respectful and does not talk back to adults. However we have raised her to understand that she deserves respect also.
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  • 13
    4.When we talked to my aunt via text message tonight we very much tried to have her wear anything else other than red "burgundy" but she said she would just not come if she couldn't wear that dress. We would love for her to be there however I will not compromise my daughter's boundaries for anyone. I don't find it unreasonable.
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  • 14
    5. My mom normally will loan dresses out to my aunt or help her buy them but this time said no.
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  • 15
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ahle: AITA for siding with my daughter's (15f) choice to enforce her no RED dress code with her Great Aunt when I know she doesn't have the money to replace it?
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  • 17
    sun_and_stars8 NTA party dress codes aren't my thing but to each their own. It's her party and she can set the dress code and select to hold the line on whole strictly it's enforced.
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  • 18
    OnSmallWings NTA. People saying yta because it's just a birthday would lose their ever lovin' minds at the thought of a quinceañera. I've seen videos of sweet 16 parties complete with courts, shoe ceremony, tiara ceremony, and father/daughter dance. This is your daughter's celebration of approaching
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  • 19
    womanhood. She gave the party planning reigns to others instead of commandeering it herself with the one exception of her picking the colors herself. She asked for no one else to wear red so that she can stand out on her big day. To me, it's no different than the no white wedding rule or the bride requesting a color not to be worn because it's the same color
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  • 20
    as her dress. Have your daughter speak with your aunt herself and ask to see the dress in person. Maybe you'll get lucky and it is dark enough, but if not, you and your daughter need to put your foot down.
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  • 21
    omgitsmoki I know a lot of people here hate dresscodes. I will, for the most part, disagree with them but there are some egregious bridezillas and control freaks out there that will tip my opinion. This is not one of those times.
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  • 22
    This is a fairly simple ask. "Please don't wear red." If you don't like it...don't go. Easy peasy. Yeah, yeah this is just a birthday but it is an important occasion to your daughter. She has an idea and it sounds fun! For your family to be so against something so simple...is a problem to me. Why are they fighting this? I'd focus on the reason why here.
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  • 23
    Rules are rules. No kids allowed, no non-kosher food allowed in the house, dress codes at events or restaurants, sober parties, close-toed shoes only...they're harmless and easy to follow. Anyone that throws a hissy fit at something as simple as this is the ah le.
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  • 24
    You and your daughter are NTAs here. She was not ride, she gave a clear ask, and you are right to back her up.
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  • 25
    R.. ၁ hard NTA. I don't like the idea of party dress codes for guests, but if I'm invited to one I follow it or don't go. It's your daughters day and this aunt pointedly picked the color your daughter is trying to make part of what makes her feel special at her party (even if it's on the line thats a move). you're teaching your daughter she is allowed to set boundaries. even with family. that makes you a great parent, not an АН.
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  • 26
    Natural_Garbage... NTA. It's irrelevant that she can't afford a different dress. She never should have bought a red one to begin with. And if your mom okayed the dress without asking you or your daughter? She can pay for your aunt to get a new dress since she's the one that got your aunt uninvited.
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  • 27
    bakd_couchpotato Does auntie like to wear white to weddings? "Oh, but it's eggshell/cream/brige/taupe.. ." Tell her to return it and use the money to buy a new one. Also, unless it's super formal, she must have black, purple, and white clothes at home that are acceptable.
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  • 28
    Far-Dare-6458 NTA. If she was wary of the color being too similar, she should've asked before purchasing it, especially if money is tight. If she truly wants to come and your daughter still wants her there, maybe you could offer her the money to buy a different colored dress, with the understanding that she pays you back with her refund when she returns the original red dress. Though as we all know, she may or may not pay you back.
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  • 29
    Jallenrix INFO: Why did your mother green-light a burgundy dress? Why is your mother involved at all?
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  • 30
    MotherofPuppos NTA. She broke the ONE rule. If it reads red in a pic, that's really all that matters. It's why you don't wear a really light pastel or grey to a wedding.
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family drama birthdays brother sibling rivalry birthday party siblings family feud family
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